you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize