id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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