We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize