u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
