my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
birth control should be required to get into college
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
