I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
