Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
