Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
