Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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