god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
