Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
