i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
