I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
