Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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