apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My bed smells like the plague
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
