The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
