Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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