so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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