well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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