My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize