Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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