forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
