no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I didn't notice because vodka
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
