dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
