you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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