8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
