I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
