So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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