so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
