is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize