If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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