Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
