I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
