Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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