Is it normal to miss your booty call?
only if we run a train.
done.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
