I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize