Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you will always have a special place in my vag
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
