i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
