Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
