is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
