i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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