I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
