In America we eat man semen.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
