Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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