Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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