We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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