I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
