and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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