Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
