I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
