I wish I only lived at night.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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