I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
