so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
