I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
