just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
