i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
