The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
