like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
