woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
