I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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