Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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