stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
