if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
