well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
