I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
