I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
