Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
